How Does It Feel to Live with Sterilization?

13.02.2012 | By: T. B.

We've talked with a 26 year-old who was sterilized at the age of 18 and will never be able to have children as a result.

"Sterilization made me see that things aren’t self-evident." (PhotoXpress)

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We discussed living with sterilization with a 26 year-old woman. Sterilization can happen because of a personal choice and it can also happen because of medical reasons. In both cases, sterilization leaves psychological scars. We talked with a heart patient who was sterilized eight years ago.

How old were you when sterilization was performed?

I was almost 18. It was just before my 18th birthday.

Do you think that the age at which you were sterilized affected the way you perceived and accepted what was happening?

Yes, definitely. I didn’t think about how much I wanted a baby at the time. I didn’t think about anything until I became pregnant. I was just a girl then, my life was about fun, not thinking about children. I think the time is important here. It’s important how old you are, if you have a partner, if you’re planning to have a baby. It would be much more difficult to make this decision today – aborting a child who might be wanted and planned and being sterilized at the same time.

What were the circumstances surrounding the sterilization?

The reason for my sterilization was an inherent heart condition. I couldn’t carry the baby full-term. Even if I were to survive the pregnancy, the labor would be very risky for me and the baby. I don’t have enough oxygen in my blood because of this heart condition, so there’s a greater chance of my blood clogging. This is also the reason why contraceptive pills are not an option as a form of protection for me.

The reason was an unexpected pregnancy. It was only when I went to the hospital to abort the baby that the doctors informed me of all the dangers of my pregnancy. I don’t know why they didn’t tell me this before. Sterilization would be unavoidable for me in any case, but it would have still been different if I could have prepared for it a bit more. But I’m also grateful it all happened so quickly.

Was the decision for the procedure yours or was it made by someone else (parents, doctors)?

We sort of decided together, if I could even call it a decision. We all talked about it. There was simply no other option for me. No contraception is that reliable. Accidental slipups (abortions) can be fatal for me. The doctors believed that there was no other way and I agreed with them.

Sterilization is a very intimate decision which is important in how the rest of your life plays out. What kind of role did your family play? Did the involvement of the family mean more pressure or relief?

For me, the involvement of my family was definitely a relief. Well, not right away. The reactions were pretty strong at first because there was a pregnancy and abortion involved, so they had to deal with that as well. They came round pretty soon because they (we) had no other choice.

And what is your life like today? Do you have a partner?

Yes, I have a partner. We’ve been together for seven years. We met soon after it happened.

Did you tell your partner you’d been sterilized and that you can’t have children right away or did you wait until you were sure where the relationship was going?

I told him very soon. After four months, if I remember correctly. I told him because I’m an honest person. I wanted him to know. I was simply crazy about him and madly in love. In those times, we’re all convinced that there are no obstacles for love. It seemed fair that he should know and it made me feel better as well.
It doesn’t seem like such a big deal even nowadays. I know he’s with me because of me and if I was with someone else, I think it would be the same. If not, we’d simply say goodbye. There can be many reasons to fight and end a relationship. Usually, it’s about very banal things. If someone loves you, this won’t stand in his way. If he doesn’t, a little thing is enough.

Would you say that this has any special effect on your relationship? And sexuality – how does it affect your sexuality?

Oh, the sex is more relaxed. We don’t have to watch out for “those days”, we don’t have to be careful, buy condoms ... well, sometimes we’re both a little sad because of it. He never says anything about it to me, but I know we both have moments when we think “how it would be like to have children”. I think we’re both realistic enough not to dwell on these thoughts for too long. We have no influence over such matters. We don’t love one another any less because of this.

Do you have any encouraging words for those women who don’t think like you do, who are just recovering from the procedure or the procedure is a long way in the past and they just can’t deal with it?

I believe that certain things hurt some people more than others. This hurt me as well, but time heals all wounds. I’m not a person to complain about my destiny. It’s important to be positive and every woman has to find this within herself. I was perhaps encouraged by the fact that it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t choose this path. It was also helpful that my parents, doctors and people around me didn’t judge me. Even if the sterilization was the result of a choice, I think judging a person is inappropriate and feelings of guilt are unnecessary because such a decision is nowhere near to being easy and no one makes it lightly. Sometimes life forces you not to see things as self-evident. The world can actually be brighter. You only have to allow it to shine.