My teenager is sexually active - what now?

26.07.2011 | By: K. Ž.

How to present sex to your teenager in an efficient, yet unobtrusive way?

Maybe you still think your teenager is a child, but you are unaware of some things in their life. (PhotoXpress)

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Respect him/her as a person

You can all surely remember your own teenage years and many of you will agree, that this period is on one hand the happiest and most carefree and on the other the most troublesome and horrific. Nobody understands you, you feel all grown up, mature and responsible, yet your parents still treat you like a child. You are often forced to do things you feel are redundant, like writing homework and stuff. The first step you need to take, in order to gain the attention of your teenager, is to treat him like a person and your equal. Let them have their own opinion and do not force yours at all cost. Instead of giving orders it is a much better approach if you calmly and in an argumentative way explain certain things. This will have a better effect.

Be attentive and always there

Some teenagers have no problems debating sex with their parents, but most of them feel uncomfortable, so pay attention to any hints or questions which might suggest that your child wishes to discuss sexuality. Do not be too intrusive, do not ask too many questions, especially not those dealing with the first sexual intercourse, their opinion on sex and such. It is also not recommended to discuss sex education over a family dinner. Your teenager would probably return to his nutshell and you would not get much out of them. It is best to wait for them to open up and discuss the subject on their own accord, all you have to do is grab the opportunity and make the best of it. Be careful not to cross the line during this conversation. You do not have to answer all their personal questions. You can easily skip some aspects of your past and thus help them make less of their own mistakes.

Make sure that they have access to information

Many teenagers get their information from their friends and TV, as they are not even thinking about talking to their parents. So you must make sure that they have access to other more important and better sources of information. Put, as casually as possible, some sex advice books which will explain the basic facts in a clear and thorough way, so your child might get some useful knowledge on the subject. It might also be a good idea to leave some condoms in an easily accessible place, like bathroom cabinet for example. Do not loose your nerves if you find some missing, just let them know that they can talk to you about this part of their life also. Stress the importance of protecting yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.

Explain the good things

Teenagers often get the feeling that sex is all about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. These are important questions, which must not be left unanswered, but it is also your task to show them that sex is actually something beautiful and a very important part of our lives. So when you find out that they are already sexually active do not punish them or cause any kind of panic, as you are likely to send the wrong message this way. Do not act like this is some kind of taboo better not discussed in your home. Present sex as an integral part of, yours also, life and nothing to be ashamed of.