“It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

These are the words of Saint Paul, if they are taken out of context. Read about the advice with regard to sexuality and marriage.

 
“It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” (1 Cr: 7, 1-2)

In this passage of his letter, Paul tries to explain his view on marriage and sexuality, and in this text he even admits it is his opinion, but otherwise he thinks– due to the God’ grace he received – there is nothing wrong if his opinion is considered relevant. 

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” (1 Cr: 7, 3-4)

Affection is a nice word used instead of sex. In older texts, the word “knew” was also used. Sex therefore means making oneself available to the other person, offering your body to your partner while the partner is offering his or her body to you. It is not your pleasure that is important, but satisfaction of the needs of the partner. Because both of you are doing that, you are enjoying it as well. The aim is not selfishness, but love in the true meaning of the word.

“Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Cr: 7, 5)

As we will also see later, sex represents for Paul primarily a temptation which is too strong for man. The husband and wife should therefore have regular sexual relations. If one of the partners neglects the other one, there is a strong chance that the latter will seek satisfaction elsewhere. This, of course, is a sin, but the Satan’s temptation is irresistible and man is too weak. The only thing preventing sex is a prayer and contemplation.

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;  but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cr: 7, 8-9)

Paul sets himself as an example, but he knows the human nature and the various gift of spirit. He knows that not everyone is meant for such a life and he thus recommends that it is better to get married than have a burning desire for a partner. If all our priests had such thoughts, churches would be much fuller. On the one hand, Paul does not preach about sexual abstinence, although he recommends it, while on the other hand, he sets limits for entering into a sexual relationship – marriage.

“But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.  Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.” (1 Cr: 7, 36-38)

It is also possible to have a community where partners do not have sexual relations. However, there is no sin if we give in to our passion. Paul only points out that he thinks the life dedicated to God is better, and again he sets himself as an example. He concludes that if a woman gives herself over to her husband, then she takes care of the secular life, which brings her suffering. If she remains chaste and vows to God, she does not need to take care of the secular things.

In these short passages, Paul speaks about his view on marriage and sexuality. Openness and the understanding of human instincts are quite surprising. Despite wrongly assigning them to evil forces (here we can start an unsolvable theological debate), he does not prohibit anything. Instead, he gives advice and sets himself as an example.  Today’s followers of the brave Paul should read more the original texts and less thousands of ridiculous rules invented by popes and councils and reforms and self-proclaimed prophets and the blessed. Do priest really set such an example as Paul, and do they abstain from the temptations of passion by the God’s grace? God knows if they do....