Don’t Regret Your First Sex Partner

31.07.2012 | By: T. P.

Don’t be one of those people who live in their past and burden themselves with choosing the wrong first sex partner.

Do you think she still cares who her first sex partner was? (PhotoXpress)

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First sex partner - Almost a third is regretted

Such headlines appear in various newspapers. The Sun announced the results of a study in which almost a third of participants, who started having sex at the age of 13 or earlier, have regrets either about their first sex partner or the sex itself and wish they had waited with sex. 19% of women said that they had felt forced into doing it and the same was stated by 10% of guys. Unfortunately, these surveys don’t say anything about the reasons for regretting the first sexual intercourse. However, any kind of experience is too valuable to regret, even if there’s much to be regretted.

First sex partner - Whoever it is, it's the right one

The first sex always ends too quickly. There are rare exceptions that wait until they get married. The opposite would probably be considered for them; at least a third of them would regret not having sex sooner. Sooner or later, when is the right time, how do you know that, and how do you make the right decision? The rejected philosophy of existentialism provided a brilliant solution to such dilemmas that an average person has to face. Every decision is the right decision, say wise men. It’s important to accept it. Therefore, if you started having sex early or chose the wrong first sex partner, it’s all right, even though it has consequences you don’t like. Everything has consequences that we might not like. Every decision, no matter how right it is, always brings something unpleasant and unwanted. Whatever feeling that bothers people who had sex early is completely ridiculous.

Whatever you did, or were forced to do, in the past cannot be put right or changed. No matter how obvious this seems, observe yourself and you’ll soon see how much emotional baggage you’re carrying from your past. The only thing you can control is the present. If you were affected by an event in the past so that now you don’t feel pleased about yourself, you have all the power to change that. Everything is in your hands. Simply, leave your past behind. This doesn’t means that you have to ignore it, but you should learn from it and be glad to have those experiences. This means that you’ll make better decisions when a similar situation occurs. Namely, everything comes at a cost. Were you a silly teenage girl whose first sex partner was an older boy out to have a quickie? Even better. You’ve learned to distinguish between honest and dishonest people, between love and lie. Did it hurt when you were betrayed? Super. You’ve learned about pain and now it’ll be easier to determine who cheats on you and if you process it correctly, it's less likely that you'll be tempted to hurt another person. Did you get pregnant after the first sexual intercourse? Do you have a child you never wanted? There are no mothers who would bear a child and wouldn’t want it. Don’t believe reports about babies left in dumpsters, not because they wouldn’t be true, but because this happens rarely. They are an insignificant factor, deviation, warning. Did you have an abortion? Accept your decision, for it was the right one. Nobody has a right to judge your decision, not even you. Everything happens exactly as it should, otherwise it wouldn’t happen. There’s no parallel world where you would live your life from a different crucial decision onwards. Thus, every bit of energy you use for that is completely unnecessary. If you constantly think of “What if then I....?” stop it and ask yourself: “What do I want and what am I doing to achieve it?” Only such questions will take you further, otherwise you can be caught in a tangled web of your past, where you strangle your future.

First sex partner - You shouldn’t be afraid of picking the wrong one

If you visit a forum for teenagers, there are a lot of questions like – how do I know it’s the right time, I’m too young, I’m afraid, etc. Such questions don’t burden people only when they’re young and they don’t only concern sex. Should I quit my job, or should I get a divorce, should she keep the child, should the child go to this school or that one and so on. When you’re older, you use your experience, reason and sometimes also intuition (which is similar to experience). You think it over and make a decision. The advantage of young people is that they have much more room for manoeuvre in terms of making “wrong” decisions. In fact, when you’re 13 you rarely take decisions about things that will affect your life and will remain unchanged. The least your first sexual intercourse. The fact that a man inserts his penis into your vagina cannot and will not have a particular influence on your life, especially if he has a condom. If he doesn’t have it, you might be agreeing to a death sentence. Don’t believe clergymen who preach about psychological consequences and sins. Naturally, there are psychological consequences, but then again, where aren’t they? If don’t you learn to live with your decision and accept the responsibility for your actions, you’ll remain a child until you die. Accepting responsibility doesn’t mean assuming guilt, but it means accepting your decisions.

“I had sex when I was 13, cool, super. It sucked and hurt me, and my first sex partner promptly replaced me with the next victim. I cried and didn’t know what to do.” An interesting and unique experience that taught the young girl more than anything else until then. Why should you be afraid of new experiences, even though they hurt you? Only in that way you grow and become a better person.