Disabled People and Sex Life

31.05.2011 | By: T. B.

To avoid formulating theories, we decided to conduct an interview with a disabled person. We were interested primarily in her attitude towards sexuality. Check out her responses below.

It is your decision how much certain factors will affect your life. (PhotoXpress)

Join us on Facebook!

Can you introduce yourself?

My name is Eva. I am 29 years old and I have a physical disability from my birth, and that is why I have to use crutches for walking.

How do you think disability affects your sex life?

Disability has definitely formed my life. The influence on sexuality has several layers. I had to overcome psychological as well as physical obstacles.

Can you explain which psychological and physical obstacles do you have in mind?

I struggled a lot in puberty. I needed 20 year to accept my body. This is probably the story of every teenager. But I am sure that in my case things were more emphasised. I did not accept my body. Likewise, it did not occur to me that somebody else might accept it. However, the period was definitely vivid in numerous ways. My inner world was flourishing at that time, and in some way I managed to substitute everything that I had been missing. But of course, water can never be a substitute for milk.

How did the environment affect this period of your life?

Yeah, the environment. In completely different ways. Despite the support of my family, I longed for acknowledgement by others when I was a young girl. Sometimes I was acknowledged, and sometimes I was not, which is normal. I was also patronised a lot, enough for my whole life. Patronising is one of the worst forms of not accepting somebody. Among others, also because it seems that people do not know what they are doing. But I have found that the “blame” does not lie in the environment and its non-acceptance. The most important step in my development is accepting my self. Then you see that the environment is not so important. In the end, you can change the environment, but you have to accept who you are.

Given the fact that I was an introverted person in high school, closed in a cocoon, and I did not go to parties, it is logical why it happened after high school. But really soon after entering university. Well, if we ignore masturbation as the first sexual experience. This, of course, happened a long time before sexual intercourse. My desires and needs are the same as everybody else’s, and I felt them equally as other teenagers.

If my understanding is correct, your sex life flourished soon after you finished high school? Did you perhaps have a boyfriend?

I am not sure if I can say that it flourished. I started slowly. No, I did not have a boyfriend. Actually, it was an agreement. I did not want to have a too emotional attachment. But I soon realised that it did not make any sense and I terminated the agreement. Soon after, I started dating. Both relationships ended quickly. Both because of my disability.

Because of your disability?

So I was told and I believe it. Life with me is different. Life with any person is different, but it seems that people acceptable more easily if you are different in another way.

Has your disability ever posed an obstacle in sexual intercourse?

Well, an obstacle... The greatest obstacles are in your head. My physical impairment does not present an obstacle in sex life. I love sex. In all the forms possible. I enjoy it and indulged in it gladly. But my disability often presented an obstacle in sex life to other people. I do not know whether that was caused by prejudices or lack of imagination. A person who wants to be with me, or any other disabled person, should be open-minded, have a sense of humour, and be able to relax completely.

Can you explain in more detail how has your physical impairment affected your sex life? Can you share one of your experiences with us?

My physical impairment has forced me to think without any limits. A concrete situation... Well, I have to adapt almost every common and popular position to my physical (in)abilities.

You said that you loved sex. What does it offer to you?

As every person, I consider sex as extreme relaxation, both mental and physical relaxation. Sex enables me to leave my body. When I have sexual intercourse, I forget my pain. It probably disappears. I love sex and enjoy it because I can truly be creative. Sometimes when things do not go as planned, it makes me laugh. I started accepting my body after my first sexual experiences, and thus solved my psycho-physical problem.

How would you assess your sex life?

I think that my sex life is more fulfilling than the sex life of many people. According to my assessment, it is pleasant, happy, interesting, wild and sometimes sleepy.

Your concluding words?

People who have any sort of disability in life should not restrict themselves. Well, the same goes for those who are not physically impaired. It is your decision how much certain factors will affect your life.