The Three Bases of Good Sex

Before following any advice or rules, learn about the three bases of sex, so you'll be able to write your own sex advice book.

Master the bases of sex. (jlp)


Have you got lost among the multitude of advice for good, even better, and generally delicious sex? Are you unable to recall 120 rules for her orgasm and 115 tips on how to keep sex interesting to a man? Don't worry, if you give heed to the three most fundamental bases of sex, you're on a good way to always satisfy yourself and your partner!

The first basis of sex: being relaxed

Don't trouble yourself too much!

Being relaxed is one of the bases of good sex. (jlp)



You've probably got the idea that for having good sex one has to work hard, and that one has to pay attention to a great many things, be an athlete and an acrobat, not to mention an expert on sex. Well, this is all great, bot average people who have never studied the Kama Sutra or practiced tantra can enjoy sex just as much or even more, once they've mastered the bases of sex. Extensive knowledge on the subject can actually hinder you from experiencing pleasure, when you try to show all you've learned and when you try to be really endurable. Instead of trying to impress your partner with exotic approaches, just let go of this pressure to prove yourself. Relax and enjoy the synergy of cooperating with your partner. Basic relaxedness can be achieved in a number of ways: with humour, playfulness, but most of all by accepting yourself and your partner and by showing yourself in a true light. If your lover sees that you're trying very hard to please her or him without real success, he or she will be under the pressure that they have to feel great pleasure, but nobody can enjoy sex under such pressure. Instead of using an advanced erotic toy or increasing the number and intensivity of the stimuli, start tickling your partner. The best sex is born out of spontaneity.

The second basis of sex: being sensuous

Don't think, just feel!

Open yourself to your senses and feel your body. (jlp)

The next basis of good sex is related to spontaneity: if you aren't relaxed, you'll think too much and you'll try to plan sex in detail, which will lead to more pressure. Sex does begin in one's head, but it only begins there. The head has to give way to the whole body. If you work all day intellectually, it may be hard for you to reawaken your body. It's easiest then to do something that will force you to concentrate on your body: try those sports activities that activate your whole body where you have to perform accurate movements, which makes you conscious of every part of your body. Forget about everything else and focus on your physical existence. Guided relaxation might also be a good idea.

When you realize in the middle of foreplay that you're still "in your head" and that you're out of touch with your senses, or you suspect that this is going on with your partner, go back to the basics and suggest some massage. By kneading the muscles of the whole body, the consciousness will shift from the head to the body in both the person giving the massage and (even more so) the person receiving it. Thus you can „turn on“ your sense of touch. If you use scented massage oil, you will also engage your sense of smell, and if you're persistent enough, your sense of hearing, once your partner begins to sigh. If you still feel disconnected, awaken also your taste and sight: we suggest oral intercourse and kissing, and a visually stimulating position (for example the position where she's on top).

The third basis of sex: keeping it simple

Don't complicate things!

It's important to keep things simple. Don't think too much. (jlp)


Go back to the bases and don't make sex unnecessarily complicated. Variety in sex is of course welcome, but you don't have to seek it each time you have intercourse. You don't have to perform all 27 positions that you're familiar with in one "session". Sometimes a single tested position that you both like will do just fine. In fact, we don't need to constantly change the type of stimulation. We're more likely to be satisfied by one kind of it, when it's appropriately measured out and when it gets more intense in the right tempo. If you're both completely relaxed and you feel your own and your partner's body, a fully satisfying sex is guaranteed.

Actually, the only skill that good lovers should master, the basis of all the bases of sex, is knowing how to listen to your partner and how to get in tune with them. This may sound like a hackneyed truism that tells you nothing, but you'll see this isn't the case as soon as you "hear" your partner's body and he or she "hears" yours. This will happen once you achieve total relaxation and once you open yourself to all your senses, which will enable you to also truly open yourself to your partner.

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