RESEARCH: What kind of People Are We Really Attracted to?

27.09.2012 | By: J. B.

A group of researches rejected a well-known theory that we are attracted to opposites.

Opposites are not attracted to each other! (PhotoXpress)

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People are not attracted to their opposites

The researchers at the University of Cornell in New York have reached a conclusion that married people are very similar to each other, with similarities being physical as well as characteristic. This is not in accordance with the so-called parents' teaching which says that people choose partners with the opposite qualities, which is supposedly a winning combination. The research included 987 heterosexual men and women. They reached a simple conclusion that the opposites do not attract and that individuals with the same characteristics are much more attracted to each other that the other way around. For example, if a man is the quiet type, he is much more attracted to a woman who is also quiet, and he tends to avoid loud and very confident women.

We choose partners similar to us

Individuals choose partners that are similar to them and suit them completely. They discovered that married couples are much more alike that the unmarried ones, which is also seen from their behavior. ''This can be seen in the case of aggression. If one of the partners acts aggressively, it is perfectly normal that the other partner will copy the behavior and become aggressive as well. It is important that they have great influence on each other and this is also connected to what actually made them stay together,'' explained the researchers.

Opposites are not meant to be together

The researchers claim that the opposites can be very attracted to each other at the beginning of a relationship, but there's a great possibility that the relationship won't work. Partners come to realize after a few years that love is not enough and that is takes a lot of understanding and accepting to make the relationship work, which is very difficult with the opposites. Considering the fact that the desires and expectations of the partners are not the same, their common path goes separate ways after some time. Irreconcilable differences are very common reason for divorce.

Exceptions still exist

A psychologist Kate Wachs doesn't agree with the research of the New York University and claims that despite the strong and clear evidence, real life is often very different. If a certain person tells you that he/she is attracted to a person who has the same characteristics and attributes, that doesn't mean that they would actually choose a partner with these characteristics. Everyone has an opinion about themselves and the person they want to be with, but people then often end up with a partner that doesn't have all the desired qualities. ''The claim that a clever person is much more attracted to an intelligent person, is not always true. A person who thinks of oneself as pretty and attractive will never choose a person who looks unattractive at first sight.''

Wachs also stresses that the opposites don't attract when it comes to personality and behavior, but they can be attracted on a more specific level: on the basis of their origin, life experiences or race.

So, if you want to know what kind of person you are attracted to, take a look at yourself in the mirror.