Six Unfounded Myths about Sex

19.08.2011 | By: Sara B.

We want to warn you about six myths about sex that you shouldn't believe.

Intercourse can sometimes be a matter of planning, but this doesn't make it worse. (PhotoXpress)

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1. If you're a truly good lover, you can satisfy any woman

Determining whether you're a great lover or just an average one shouldn't be based on only one experience where you've been praised. Unless we're ready for criticism of our love-making, we'll never be able to improve it. You should never assume that you're a good lover based on your own feeling and according to your own standards - if your lover isn't actually enraptured with your performance, you should work on your love-making. Only an attentive and devoted lover makes a good lover, i.e. somebody who responds to the wishes of their partner and who is determined to find out what works best for their sweetheart. The same goes for men and for women. Also, we can't fully satisfy anyone, and we aren't bad lovers for it. What counts is the attention you pay to your lover and the fact that you try to satisfy them. If you don't seem compatible, this may be due to different sexual desires and expectations.

2. It's dangerous to kiss a HIV-infected person

Some people still believe that they can contract HIV by exchanging saliva with a HIV-positive person. Experts claim that this is almost impossible, but it can happen if you're in contact with the infected sperm or if you're drinking an infected woman's milk. Only few people have the virus HIV present in their saliva, and usually saliva even retains the virus. You're safe when it comes to kissing.

3. If sex doesn't happen spontaneously, but with preplanning, something's wrong with your relationship

The film industry and romantic expectations make us believe that passion lasts forever and that only the spontaneous desire to have sex is the real one. This simply isn't true. Planning to have intercourse and taking into account our busy schedules doesn't sound too exciting, but it's a necessary part of a serious relationship's reality. The spontaneous, impulsive and passionate desire to have sex is supposed to diminish after about 18 months of the relationship, or even after 9 months with some couples. What are the reasons for this? Partners start to perceive each other more realistically, they don't create false expectations any more and they drop their masques. Their emotions also become less wild, they slowly return to their routines, which makes their love a bit different. They are increasingly aware of their everyday duties, which are related to their job or raising children ... Thus our love-making can sometimes be determined with the little free time we have at our disposal. This requires some planning and some compromises, but planned intercourse can be just as great as the more spontaneous one, and you may even appreciate intimate moments you have all to yourselves even more.

4. The missionary position doesn't bring pleasure

Here's another unfounded myth about sex that originates in the movies, especially those with adult content. In making porn, it's most difficult to make exciting close-ups in the scenes with the missionary position, as the latter doesn't expose sexual organs and the act of penetration as visually as other positions. Moreover, the missionary position reminds one of vanilla sex, so the producers of porn prefer to use positions that are seen as more naughty: doggy style, doing it standing ... it all looks more interesting and allows for close-ups. In love relationships, however, the missionary position still seems to be the most popular one, according to research. This isn't surprising, as the position enables long and comfortable love-making.

5. Men are always ready to have sex

A boy who has just discovered masturbation or has just lost his virginity might well agree with this myth. But in general it's unfounded. Research suggests that men in the middle of their twenties already begin to think less about sex, while other aspects and areas of their life gain importance. Especially those men who are more ambitious and want to achieve something in terms of their career, are facing a lot of stress and pressure that can turn their minds off intercourse for quite a while. Your man thus won't always be ready to have intercourse.

6. Couples in happy relationships have great sex most of the time

This is another romantic belief that has nothing to do with reality. Even when the partners are very compatible, love each other and are happy together, their sex isn't necessarily great most of the time, in fact it can even be lousy. Everyday life, stress and routine are often reflected in sex which can sometimes be boring, nothing special or which can simply suck. Couples that boast about having great sex constantly are probably lying. The definition of good sex can also vary with different people. It's certainly true that even if your relationship is sound you'll from time to time have sex that you won't find that good and exciting.