Has instant eroticism killed our lust?

Sex and its images are everywhere around us, but our beds are getting colder and colder… Why is this happening to us?

No more taboos

Nowadays, sex and sexuality cannot be avoided, even on Sundays on your way to mass: there are attractive breasts on the billboards accompanied by ambiguous slogans that will try to sell just about anything, a young lady on the radio loudly and sexily sings about being turned on by the guy next door, at the pubs debates about football and politics have given  way to sex positions and sex toys, in your local store you'll find condoms in all colors and shapes next to a box of chocolates, thirteen-year-olds surf adult pages, lonely people of all ages whisper enticing words to strangers and virtual buddies miles away, prime-time talk shows on the TV, again, discuss sex. The last taboo has fallen – and we are only shocked and disgusted by those who still dare to be shocked and disgusted. Movies, advertisments and web media bomb us with images of perfect sex: every day an orgasm, every day something new. The real sex life differs immensely: while sex is more and more present in the public sphere, in intimate life where true love and sex meet, sex is getting rather scarce and our beds are becoming cold.  

Help!

Sexologists, psychologists and doctors are witnessing a drastic increase  in the numbers of people  who rarely or never have sex. The surveys show that most people have sex twice a week, but sexologists seriously doubt the fact since many don't want to admit their matrimonial beds have long gone cold. Partners lose their sexual drive a lot earlier than they used to, and the most exciting activity in the world is soon reduced to a mechanical satisfaction of their needs, speaking not only of the elderly people but of the young and healthy as well. While in the 70s, 4 per cent of men complained about loss of libido, nowadays this number has risen to 16. As far as women are concerned, the numbers are even more worrying: the percentage of those who are no longer interested in having sex has jumped from 8 to 58 in 100 women! Being single is overrated, and surveys show that 90 per cent of sex takes place among the married or among permanent partners, while singles contribute only 10 per cent. Although we are surruounded by sex, many are still uninformed on how to turn on and satisfy their partners or even themselves and very few couples openly discuss sexual issues among themselves. In the new millenium, men still prefer to daydream and women – to fake their pleasure.

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The forbidden fruit gone ripe and … rotting?

When public discussion about sex began, a huge part of its appeal and attractiveness disappeared. Not only have we completely banalized sensuality but we have also created an influential public image of sex that cannot be re-created in real life. Perfectly shaped butts without cellulite, no beer bellies, every body movement ends up in exstatic sighs and every intercourse in a simultaneous orgasm. What a fairy tale! However, many people are convinced that their sex lives lack something, because they don't measure up to the impossible standards set in public. We could say that sex has gained the status of professional sport where only the results count, and has departed from reality. If we believed the movies and  the media, we should be having sex several times a day every day and just about anywhere – if we don't, there's something seriously wrong with us! A lot of couples are asking themselves how important sex is when in comes to  maintaining a healthy and loving relationship. Of course, there is no universal answer to this question, as everyone perceives sexuality in a different way: as a manifestation of trust, intimate closeness, or the feeling of being loved and cared for, and on the other hand, as pure lust, ecstasy and physical enjoyment. Saying that we need as much sex as we want comes closest to the truth. So forget about Sex and the City and self-appointed sexologists: it's up to you (two) to find out how much sex and what sort of sex you wish to have in your own bed.